| today |
[13 Jul 2005|06:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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radiohead. lucky |
] |
today i sat and viewed random videos on skateperception.
me and alex and robby skated last night.
i hadnt skated a spot with robby in a while.
i think its because we work right next to eachother now.
well we went to trinity.
alex tried to nollie the 3 flat 3 about 500 times.
he almost died.
well then i cam home. then i woke up this morning in a good mood.
i feel. not so shitty now.
i think im gonna have the money to get my license back tomorrow.
then i can get the video finished and my movie filmed finally.
i have work tonight at 8 which is good. i need cash.
i think im ready to fall in love with my life again.
im floating upon the surface for the birds
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[10 Jul 2005|07:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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radiohead. no surprises |
] |
i have come to a conclusion.
i am not myself anymore and i hate it.
i still love all of my friends and i stopped expressing it.
i quit smoking.
i quit being an asshole.
i quit being completely carefree about school/friends/work/myfuture.
im trying to get myself going in the right direction again.
i want your love again. because i miss it.
its killing me.
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| heres a thought |
[02 Jun 2005|09:58am] |
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mood |
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artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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belle and sebastian. nice day for a sulk |
] |
well saturday was fun. uhm, everyday since then has been fun. i hung out with brandon, steff, taryn, carrie, and adam like all day yesterday. me steff and taryn went to this kids chris' house last night. that was pretty fun. other then that idk. i havent done any skating in the past few days. i cant get my xv out of the shop which is annoying me alot. TTYL
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| hmmmm |
[23 May 2005|08:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dinosaur jr. little fury things |
] |
today
woke up
went out with shannon
went to my moms
went to sonic
came home
waited for austen
went to erics
went to circuit city
went to the mall
went to erics
jim showed up
played skated for a while
came home
listen to dinosaur jr.
kayleigh is THE best.
i wanna help you
im not gonna breakdown anymore.
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| bah |
[18 May 2005|09:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dinosaur jr. severed lips |
] |
im trying to post everyday again like the old days i suppose.
well i woke up late today. around 2.
then i sat around pretty much all day.
josh came over and then we went to the skatepark.
i landed absolutely nothing good.
well then i came home.
me and MY janelle are stargazing saturday night.
im excited.
i never thought a rubber doll could be so hard to please.
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| i know youre out there |
[17 May 2005|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the incredible moses leroy. 1983 |
] |
a few things: i have been doing a ton of thinking lately. about this place. i guess i dont really know how to word it right but i am going to try my best. its just, why is it the way it is? like i mean, i am a 17 year old kid. a child. we are all children. why am i dealing with this shit. i dont even go to school yet people still fucking gossip about me and how shitty of a person i am. im trying hard not to offend anyone with this one. im trying not to be an A-HOLE here. i.do.not.fit.the.status.quo.of.an.acceptable.human.being.in.this.fucking.nightmare. help me out. i want to kmow why i am a piece of shit because i do things you lemmings dont wanna do? i think i have fought long and hard to keep up a title as that clean cut sensitive guy for so long. i feel like im a 50 year old man. its time for me to come out here guys. yeh, so i smoke cigarettes? how does it affect you? ill tell you one thing, you wont be around me long enough to see me dying on a hospital bed. you wont be by my side. i want you to be by my side. i want you to stick around. dont let go of my hand. im having a hard time. i need your hand. i need you to tell me you love me and mean it. i wanna hear it leave your lips while i see your watering eyes and while you are grasping me like a lost lover. i dont wanna see it in a myspace comment. i never hear it anymore. i admit that i have issues. i am emotionally unstable right now. i mean i have dealt with alot during the course of 1 year. i have found love, lost it, found it again, then had it slap me in the face harder than anything ever will. i have felt my life come to screaching hault for other people selfish reasons. i have lost friends, i have lost all possible faith in my family. i dont film much anymore. i dont know, i have bad luck. 4 broken cameras in 2 months? all my chargers broke? tapes dissappeared? like i have alot of faith in god but i am trying to figure out why, if god is somehow up there laughing his ass off at my pathetic struggles, why does he make bad things happen? why does he let hearts break, and tears run. i just want to meet him one day. i want god to walk though my front door any day of the week in any shape or form and explain to me why he made it this way. why would any other feeling but love and happiness even be present? man. i dont know why i harp on shit like this but it bugs me so much. i am being thrown around like a ragdoll. a fucking ragdoll. i want my life back. i want to love and be loved back, forever.
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| video parts and wigwams. |
[08 Jan 2005|01:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sonic youth - peace attack |
] |
well it has been rough past week. im getting down the finally couple months of filming for indian houses, my new video. and i guess it has been a little hectic lately. alot of phone calls on video part songs and placement of footage and late nighters on school nights. but its looking ok. weve been getting bangers filmed all week. alex musa kickflipped the shit out of eckard gap, jason got some tricks down it. robby finally got footage! its just been crazy. weve all been just trying to get as much as we can. expo was today. im pretty sure jason got some more sponsors. im pretty sure i will get recognizable credit for the editing. i made it all artsy fartsy and shit. well yeh, as much as i hate to say it, its not looking like eric miller will be having an actually video part. probably just in the friends section. and the same is going for jesse valasquez. well thats all for video updates. look for it in late febuary!
as much as life goes. its not going so incredible. uhm, my mom hasnt really been to happy with the way ive been lately. she told me i was a loser and i need to cut my hair. my sister shannon hates me becuase all of my friends do cocaine and i dont stop hanging out with them. my sister erin got caught with weed hahahaha, i find it funny but no one else does. my dad actually seems to give a shit about me now. he told me i was gonna have alot of troubles when im older if i dont go to college and all that good stuff. and hes actually kinda seeming like he wants to help me out. i guess im moving to dc in late febuary. that aught to be splended. i just need to get out of here, and get on with the rest of my life. im thinking eric is going too? as far as girls... hmmm girls, danielle i think pretty much hates me now. which to tell the truth i honestly dont care at all, and then theres still katie, that i dont know what to say about, i am just a little worried about the danielle situation. but i guess i can come off as an asshole when some is screaming at me and calling me a fucking douche bag and not letting me say what i need to say..
thats my update for a while. oh yes, and i love billy marks and ryan gee.
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[31 Dec 2004|03:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 devious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sonic youth. kissaability |
] |
well well. here i sit in my little computer chair listen to music and bored as hell. me and adam just consumed a hefty meal from sonic and skated a little. new bearings! yayyyyy! well i guess thats all. i love having to work for new years. it makes my teeth chatter in excitement. bye!
youve got kissability.
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[26 Dec 2004|11:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sonic youth. dude ranch nurse |
] |
Keep on runnin' in the dark
Dude ranch dream is fallin' apart
Stolen kisses let's pretend my friend
You play sick and I will mend
Let the action begin again my friend
You be patient and I'll attend
Let's rehearse let's do it again
Dude ranch nurse yr brand new friend
Let nurse give you a shot it's something to do
Took my pulse
Let nurse give you a shot it's something to do
I could love you I could love you
Deep sleep coming along
Like a newborn colt you found
You're wrapping around the gauze
Dizzy reminder
Ouch she found
Let nurse give you a shot, don't slip too far
I could love you
I could have you
You be cowboy and I'll allow
Let me ride you 'til you fall
Let's pretend there's nothing at all
Nobody knows the shape I'm in
Kiss me now it's just a sin
Nobody knows the shape I'm in
skated a little today
got a line filmed
hung with austen
came home
went out with eric and lundquist
got a gun
airsoft that is
shot stuff
came home
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[22 Dec 2004|10:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the smiths. how soon is now |
] |
hm. im sitting here. and talking to amberly. im emo and everyone hates me. fuck. got high as fuck friday? helllll yeh.
we dont give a fuck. we dont give a fuck. we dont give a fuck.
me and amberly representin 13th century bank robbas for life. you know how we do. route 66 motha fuckin 6.
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[08 Dec 2004|09:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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muse. citizen erased |
] |
well. i guess i didnt get it all out w that last post. i have alot to say about my retarded feelings and stuff. well here it goes. i am going to storefront for the remainder on the school year. which is ok i guess. well then theres katie. and how ive realized im not getting her back. i hate being in love. its terrible. this is so retarded. my whole fucking life is falling apart. im letting my whole family down w school, i dont even have my gf anymore, and. fuck. this is all just fucked up. and now you all prbly think im a piece of shit becuase i used curse words. and all you kids who are out drinking, and doing coke, and fucking your boyfriend think thats too much to bare. well the thing is i dont give a shit anymore. i am done trying to impress everyone becuase over the coarse of the last 4 years at dhs it has gotten me a measly title. a title that im not satisfied with. the thing is, me being a "good christian" and not fucking the brains out of every girl i get a chance to have sex with and not doing coke every friday with my friends, and holding in all of my anger, and aggression, and all of my sadness, has gotten me nowhere. i only have to deal with all of this bullshit for a short ammount of time longer. i dont think anyone understands. actually. i think you all understand. but you are all too good to tell everyone how you truly feel. and youre all affraid to tell everyone how you feel because you dont want to have all your friends turn on you like what has happenned to others in the past. you want to be accepted. you want to be known as the person you have molded yourself into for the pleasure of your viewers. becuase its all just a sitcom. and then we go home and cry at night. we all sit here on our computers and we become these little emo vegetables. becuase THATS WHAT WE ARE. we all have our secret identities. well heres my identity. heres ME. i go to school everyday and i hope that people arent making fun of me. i try sooo hard to make everyone laugh to distract them from how bad i look. some say i dont look bad, but i interpret it as them being nice so i dont feel bad, becuase they need one more friend to make them feel better in their everyday lives. i slack off in school because i am not interested at all. my dad is interested. the only reason i pass is becuase it is what my dad wants and we all know that if i do not impress my dad then my fucking life is officially fucked. then, i have to keep down my cussing becuase i have to look like a good christian. the key there was "look like". i am a good christian, and i have now realized that looking like one doesnt fucking matter. and singing in church and not cussing isnt going to impress god. the only thing that will impress god is being nice to people and thinking he is real. i guess i then go home and i sit here and i think in my head how i need to get skinny but in actuality i dont need to, i just want too look good for the viewers. i go skating, becuase it is the only thing in life that truely makes me happy. it is prbly the only thing that ever will. then i go home to my sick demented family that tries to look perfect and begs me to join them but i dont let myself become that judgemental of everyone around me. my step mom is a psychotic bitch and only wants my dads money. my dad is my step moms bitch due to the fact that she has a vagina and her name is on the title of our house [that he pays for]. my step brother and step sister get all that they want, and i buy myself everything i want. my family and my life is so fucked up. well i feel alot better after doing that. and i know everyone thinks im a piece of shit now.
goodbye
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[08 Dec 2004|09:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
muse. butterflies and hurricanes |
] |
well today was ok. kyle, robby, andrew, paul, austen, kevin, kenny, and alex came over to chill. then we went to pipe dreams and i got a deck. they had no grip so we gripped up at metro. then me and robby got lines at [the spot]. it was rad. thats all. then i came home.
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[05 Dec 2004|08:45pm] |
| [ |
music |
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the strokes. is this it |
] |
i did these pictures exactly 1 year ago today. listening to this exact same song.
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[02 Dec 2004|09:55pm] |
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MY PLUG IN BABY, CRUCIFIES MY ENEMIES.
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| blah blah blah |
[29 Nov 2004|08:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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muse. plugin baby |
] |
well. just got home from stone edge with jason. good sesh. well lately ive been pretty "chill"? alot of good skating. i got a promo done FINALLY. look for that on tv on the run friday kiddies. hmmmmm. well idk. i dont really have anythign to say. im really relaxed. im talking to katie. i love that girl. uhm, well i guess all i have going on is, i feel less stressed out then usual. my life is going good. im missing one element but im trying not to care too much about her.
i smoke chewy like a motherfuckin nut
you gotta gram bag, get the zags and roll 'er up...
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| ehr |
[21 Nov 2004|08:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sonic youth. diamond sea |
] |
too bad. .i miss her
[i saw stars.]
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| blah |
[17 Nov 2004|08:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the strokes. i cant win. |
] |
well. i guess im kinda, not so happy. i guess ill just update about whats been happenning.
good footy
stereo premiere
skated with ryan nix
katie broke up with me
im depressed.
i guess ive never really been so bummed out about a girl. well i dont know whats happenning. im trying my hardest not to sound like a little bitch. but i love katie. i just wish i could still say she was mine.
i cant win.
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| you think things move pretty fast out here? |
[08 Nov 2004|09:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the strokes. is this it |
] |
well. i guess i havent updated in a little bit. well yeh heres goes my day.
went to school.
went home.
eric and josh came over.
josh totally fucked his car up.
i fixed it.
went to booster park.
skated.
got yelled at.
i almost ollied the big gap.
skated.
got switch flips.
eric got his weed.
came home.
called katie.
"worked things out".
hung up with katie.
sat here waiting to get on the computer.
called amberly.
worked out my wrist.
i hurt it skating.
got on here.
edited a few photos.
I LOVE KATIE.
cant you see im trying
i dont even like it
i just lied to
get to your apartment
now im staying
here jsut for a while
i cant think cuz im just way too tired
sad theyd give you
anything you ever wanted
when they lied i knew it was just
stable children trying
hard not to realize
i was sitting right behind
oh dear cant you see
its them its not me
we're not enemies
we just disagree
if i was like him
all pissed in this bar
he changes his mind
says i went to far
we all disagree
i think we should disagree
is this it.
is this it.
is this it....
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| boobledee beebledee blop |
[25 Oct 2004|09:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
david bowie. space oddity |
] |
well today today today, quite a day. i dont update much but heres an attempt for whoever is bored enough to be reading this.
well i went to school and forgot i had AE for being late about a week ago so they gave me 3 days which sucks. then i came home and i was supposed to hang out with katie but her mom supposedly flipped out and took her home for no reason. well then i tried to coordinate a skate day and kevin eric and everyone else were all doing shit today. so i decided to go up to dbcc and skate alone i practiced some lines and such that i would like to get filmed soon but i doubt it will ever happen. then on my way home i ran into aimee who was bummed out about kevin now hanging w/ her today. so we chit cahtted for a bit then i went home and sewed a couple ripped pairs of pants.
Emerica9987: hey
QueQuaEm: what
Emerica9987: what are you doing?
QueQuaEm: sitting on the computer
Emerica9987: nice
QueQuaEm: what else would i be doing
Emerica9987: i dont fucking know
Emerica9987: dick
Emerica9987: later
QueQuaEm: :-*
QueQuaEm: bye
Emerica9987: cute
QueQuaEm: ed
Emerica9987: i love you sweety
QueQuaEm: love you too
QueQuaEm: my lil pumpkin penis head
well, eh, heres the mental portion of my day. i woke up feeling like shit from work last night. then i went to school feeling like shit and feeling ugly and feeling very....staired at. then to find out details about some party friday that are gay. everyone is gay. i felt shitty all day but tried to be the happy person that i play in my soap opera called deltona highschool. people have been bugging me all day. about video parts, and fotoage, and me not talking to them, and me seeming different today. well the only thing keeping me happy all day was knowing i was going to hang out with katie today after school and that didnt even happen. i felt even shittier after that.
i got home and i kinda realized that i have officially lost eric and josh. they started out beign my 2 best friends and now we barely talk which is a load of shit. eric skated from his house to danielles to try and get a piece of ass when he was supposed to be skating with me that day and he wont even skate over here today to skate with me as if we arent tight as fuck. jeez that kid pisses me off sometimes. his life is wrapped up in girls and weed which is gay as hell im tired of trying to get him back becuase only he can change how effed up everything is.
i guess thats all.
redbulladdict54: i always forget u and adam are brothers cuz u get along so good
MannaSkate88: him, dennis, and i are meeting on wednesday in the youth room. me and dennis are gonna play Time Is Running Out for him so he knows how good we are8-)
Emerica9987: haha
Emerica9987: stuck up piece of shit
MannaSkate88: :-*
Tru Scarface 32: hey beautiful
Tru Scarface 32: your gangster
turn and face the strange......
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